The Tiger Puzzle
A REALLY Lost Episode
Chapter One – Adam
A lovely blonde in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Adam Cartwright on the Ponderosa. The wire read:
Please come to San Francisco STOP I need help STOP have a killer jigsaw puzzle STOP can't figure out how to get it started STOP love Mary Bleudress.
Darkly handsome and ever helpful to a lady in distress, Adam immediately dropped everything and rode like the wind to her side. He knocked at the door and she let him in.
“OO la la Adam! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw
puzzle.” Mary said helplessly.
Mary was the eldest of three sisters. Their father was one of Ben’s oldest, long lost friends and the two men had always hoped one of the Cartwright boys of the Ponderosa would eventually marry one of the Bleudress girls of San Francisco.
After Adam Cartwright politely paid his respects to Mary’s father, Schmeckie
Bleudress, and made small talk about Ben and Hoss and Joe and the price of cow
pies and sheep dip, Mary smiled and said “Enough of this manly man talk, Father.
I want Adam to help me with my killer jigsaw puzzle." She grabbed Adam’s hand
and pulled him to the parlor as her two lovely younger sisters, Sally Sue and
Bazoomy, retired to their boudoir to sew blue bridesmaid‘s dresses.
Adam asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" He followed the attractive but dimwitted girl inside.
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Adam decides to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle. She
lets him in and shows him the puzzle spread over the table.
Adam studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her
and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." Adam shook his head and
sighed. Mary was very pretty but not the brightest candle in the chandelier.
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup
of tea, and then...." Adam sighed, "Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in
the box."
**********
Chapter Two - Hoss
A blonde in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Hoss Cartwright on the Ponderosa, and says, "Please come to San Francisco STOP I need help STOP have a killer jigsaw puzzle, STOP can't figure out how to get it started STOP love Sally Sue Bleudress.”
Sally Sue was the second of the three sisters, as dumb as her older sister and a bit heftier.
Hoss immediately dropped everything and rode like the wind to her side, a big wind as Hoss was a big cowboy and he had also just eaten beans. He knocked at the door and she let him into the Bleudress home. “OO la la Hossie Wossie! It is so good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.”
Hoss asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" He followed her
inside. Sally Sue was a pretty girl and there was a lot of her.
The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Hoss decided to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the puzzle. She
let him in and showed him the puzzle spread over the table. He studied the
pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said gently,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
Hoss took her hand in his large one and said, "Second, bring me a big bowl, a
pitcher of milk and a spoon. I’m mighty hungry." Hoss grinned hungrily.
**********
Chapter Three - Little Joe
The last blonde sister in San Francisco wired her boyfriend, Little Joe Cartwright on the Ponderosa and said, "Please, please, please come to San Francisco STOP I need help STOP have a killer jigsaw puzzle, STOP can't figure out how to get it started STOP love Bazoomy Bleudress.” Bazoomy was the third of three sisters.
Little Joe immediately dropped everything and rode his coffee-drinking pinto, Cochise, like the wind to her side.
Little Joe knocked at the door and Bazoomy let him in. “Oh Little Joe! It is so
good to see you! I need help with a killer jigsaw puzzle.” She is the smartest
of the three sisters.
Little Joe winked and asked, as if he really cared, "What is it supposed to be
when it's finished, Bazoomy?" He followed her inside, eyeing her up and down and
shifting his mighty tight tan pants. It was a long lonely winter on the
Ponderosa and a long lonely ride to San Francisco and Bazoomy looked mighty
appealing.
“Where is your father? My Pa sent his regards,” Joe said politely.
“Papa and my sisters are out at Starbucks. They took Cochise along. They won‘t be back for hours and hours and hours.”
“Aha,” Joe winked. Now he knew Bazoomy was the smartest of the sisters for sure.
Bazoomy winked back creating a huge updraft with her false eyelashes. The blonde
said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Smiling, Joe decided to go into the ornate parlor with her and help with the
puzzle, at least for a moment until things get a bit friendlier. She let him in
and showed him the puzzle spread over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and
says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
“No!?” Bazoomy asks eyeing Little Joe up and down and licking her pert red lips. She also batted her eyelashes and eyes him down and up and up and down again.
He took her hand in his and said, "It is a picture of a gal, a pert neked gal,
Miss Bazoomy. If you would jest take off your clothes so I can get a real good
look at what the picture is supposed to look like… and turn down that lamp and
open up that bottle of wine over there…”
“Oh me oh my! Little Joe!” Bazoomy swooned as she wiggled her bustle at him. She
was glad she was wearing her best Victoria’s secret undies just for the
occasion.
“By the way, did I ever tell you about my dead Mama and how much you resemble
her?” Little Joe winked as the girl started unbuttoning her blue dress.
“Oh you Tiger, you!” Bazoomy whispered.
*****End*****
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