The Escape: Journey Back to Boston
(Sequel to “The College Years”)
He lay semiconscious, same as he had for days, weeks, months. He wasn’t sure. Time had long ago escaped him, and now his mind was filled only with small windows of lucidity as he wavered between reality and nothingness. He felt himself lying over a horse, tied to a saddle, his arms dangling loosely towards the ground. His broken hand throbbed with each step of the horse, though his mind was unable to focus on this fact. For a moment he opened his eyes, recognizing his surroundings for only an instant. He heard laughter surround him, the same laughter that had tortured him since the day he was taken from the ranch. Lapsing back into unconsciousness, laughter was all he heard.
“Cartwright, don’t you want to be awake to see your family again?” James Cain laughed pushing Adam from the horse head first.
Adam slipped to the ground, landing directly on his head, then flipping over resting on his back. His eyes flickered for a moment as his body was racked with pain.
Laughter echoed again as he felt his body rock from the sharp kicks of his tormenters who had surrounded him.
“That’s enough, boys, for now. Let his family find him. If he isn’t dead, he’ll wish he were, and that’s good enough for me. Game's over, Cartwright, for now.”
He listened as the sound of hooves passed close to his head, grazing his hair as they passed by. He felt the hot sun on his blistered face, and tried to roll himself over for some reprieve. His body, however, would not respond as his mind screamed out in agony. He prayed that he would soon escape once again into nothingness, hoping this time it would be for good. His body trembled with fever, causing his broken body to vibrate, sending pain shooting through every orifice. A single tear trekked down his cheek, as he waited for death to claim him.
***********
“Pa, we going to check the East Pasture today. Last time I was there, there weren’t much left to graze on. We really should move the herd further west.”
“Not today, Hoss; it’s been a long day already. Let’s get home and enjoy some of Hop Sings fine cooking.”
“Pa, I was planning on going in to town tonight. There’s a show I would like to see. Lady Chavez is the star. I got three tickets in case you and Hoss wanted to join me.” Joe looked at his father expectantly.
His father had spent most of his days at the ranch, hardly seeking entertainment, or the company of others. The family used to attend many shows together, before that fateful night had come and changed their lives forever. He watched his father struggle, his chin twitched slightly, and Joe immediately regretted his suggestion. Since Adam was taken, Ben had blamed himself for his son’s death. Anytime he was faced with a reminder of the past, he curled into himself, the grief for his oldest son being too much to take.
Never finding a trace of Adam, having no body to bury, had been the hardest blow for the family to take. They had searched for eight months now, hired private investigators from the city, and alerting every town and city within 5,000 miles to keep a look out. When dried bones had suddenly turned up in a desert 300 miles from the Ponderosa, a telegram was sent out that the bones more than likely belonged to Adam. The city of Freeport had disposed of the bones themselves, denying Ben the right to bury his own son.
“I’m sorry Pa, I know you’re tired. I shouldn’t have suggested it. We’ll spend the evening here,” Joe said after receiving no reply from his father for some time.
“No Joe, you and Hoss should go. It’ll be a nice change of pace for the two of you.”
The ranch house came in to view, and Joe sighed. He had a habit since he was a young child of looking for his brother’s horse. Sport had been a graduation gift for Adam, and he cared deeply for the horse. Joe caught Adam many times in the barn tending the horse, speaking softly to it. Sport stood in his stall. Hoss had tended the horse, exercising him regularly, but each time they rode up to the ranch, it was a reminder that his brother was no longer with them.
***********
“Hey Adam, don’t let Pa know I told you this, but he’s got a surprise for you waitin’ at home.”
“Joe! Pa said that was a secret; you ain’t supposed to say nothing!”
“That’s why I told Adam not to say anything to Pa. You ain’t gonna, are you, Adam?”
“No, Joe, I won’t say anything. What is it?”
“ADAM! Hoss yelled, receiving two glares along with a fanfare of shushes. “It’s a secret, and we ain’t gonna tell. No more talk about it till we get home!” Hoss said changing his voice to a whisper, and glancing at his father who was driving the wagon.
“Yeah, it’s a secret. Don’t ask no more questions!”
“Aw c’mon, it’s my first day back. I’ve been on the stage for as long as I can remember. My brothers here know a secret, and they won’t tell me. You know how I feel about surprises. How about just a hint?” Adam said with a gleam in his eye. His being home made him feel young again; he missed the comfortable banter he could share with his brother.
“Boys, I am not deaf. Just because I am driving the wagon does not mean I don’t know what you three are up too. Adam, you will have to wait until you get home for your surprise. Remember what I tell you boys each Christmas?”
“If we take a peek, or find out what they are before Christmas morning, you’ll give our gifts to children who aren’t so nosey.” Adam smiled, remembering his father’s lectures the many times he found the boys snooping around the ranch.
“That’s right, and same goes here. There’ll be no more talk about it, understand!” Ben said, trying to hold a stern tone as a smile spread across his face. He hurried the team on, as anxious to get home as his boys.
The three exchanged amused smiles, as they knew their father was not angry as he had made out to be. Feeling the wagon speed up, Adam lay his head against the sideboards. He listened to his brothers talk back and forth, exchanging ideas of what they had in store for their oldest brother when they got home.
The wagon pulled to a stop, causing Adam to open his eyes. The ranch house loomed in front of him. “Home,” he thought as his eye’s lit up at the thought. Jumping out of the wagon he headed towards the house. “Hop Sing!” he called as he made his way to the kitchen.
“Mr. Adam, you home!” Hop Sing said, wiping his hands on his apron as he went to greet him.
Adam pulled him into a brief hug.
“You too thin, Hop Sing job make sure you get ‘nough food. Make favorite meal for dinner. Pot Roast and potatoes.”
“Thank you, Hop Sing. Food just isn’t the same in the east.”
“Adam, c’mon on! Pa’s ready to give you your surprise!” Joe shouted as he streaked into the kitchen.
Adam caught the twelve year old as he slipped on the floor, falling towards the heavy wood counters. “Whoa, little buddy. I see some things haven’t changed.”
“C’mon, before he changes his mind and makes us wait till after dinner!”
“Alright, alright. I’m coming. Lead the way little brother.”
Joe grabbed Adam’s wrist and pulled him towards the front door. He quickened his pace as he made his way towards the barn. “We’re coming, Pa!” he shouted as they neared the barn doors.
“Bring him in, Joe!” Hoss shouted back.
“Close your eyes!”
“What?”
“Close your eyes, Adam; you can’t go in ‘til they’re shut.”
“Joe, I’m not closing my eyes.”
“Please! I don’t want you to see right away, I want to be in front of you so I can see your face.”
Adam raised his eyebrows. Seeing the shine in his baby brother’s eyes always caused his heart to swell with love. Giving in easily, he closed his eyes without a word.
“Okay, you can open ‘em now.”
Adam opened his eyes, and was face to face with a red beauty. The horse was nearly as tall as he was. He remembered right before he left for college, he and his father had made a trip to San Francisco. When there, Adam had admired a horse much like this one. His eyes welled with tears, realizing his father put so much thought into a gift for him. He knew money was tight, as his father had put so much into his college.
“Pa, this is too much. I don’t know what to say.”
“You earned him, son.”
“Thank you, Pa.”
Ben pulled his son into a tight embrace. Feeling Adam tremble in his hold, he knew his son was struggling with emotion. Knowing how Adam felt about sharing his feelings, he pulled away.
“What are you gonna name him, Adam?” Little Joe asked, patting the horse’s nose.
Adam cleared his throat and looked back at the horse. A name passed through his mind, bringing a smile to his face. His grandfather had often called him by a nickname whenever they we’re bantering with each other. “Sport,” he whispered.
“Sport?” Hoss said, thinking that a strange name for a horse.
“Sport,” he said again, his eye’s far away as memories of his years in Boston flooded his mind.
**********
“Pa, what do you reckon that is?” Hoss asked, pointing to a shadow in the distance.
“I can’t tell. Be careful, son, don’t ride up too quickly. If it’s an animal, we don’t want to startle it.”
Hoss walked his horse slowly towards the still figure that lay prone on the ground. Getting closer, he saw that it was the body of a man. His clothing was tattered, hanging in shreds, some of which blew in the wind. The man was rail thin, his ribs protruding from his sides. Lacerations were visible in the areas the shirt and pants no longer covered. The man laid face up, a long beard covering the bottom half of his face.
“Pa, it’s a man. I think he’s dead; he ain’t moving.” Hoss said, calling back to his father who followed behind him.
Dismounting from their horses, the three men walked carefully towards the prone figure. The man’s eyes were closed, the skin on his face blistered from long days in the sun. Long curly hair blew around the man’s face, and the stench was unbearable.
“Who you reckon it is, Pa?” Hoss asked, looking over at his father who had bent down next to the body.
“Hoss, help me get him inside!” Ben said with a tone full of urgency.
“Shouldn’t we go for the sheriff?” Joe asked, wondering why his father’s face had suddenly transformed into that of sheer anxiety.
“No! Go for the doctor. Hoss, help me get him inside.” Ben yelled, lifting the man’s head from the ground. “Get him some water.”
“Pa? I don’t…” Hoss started as he bent to pick up the body.
“It’ll be fine, Adam; just hang on, son. Pa’s got you now. Pa’s got you,” Ben whispered as his voice broke into a sob.
Both boys’ faces suddenly filled with recognition. Joe wasted no time mounting his horse and galloping to fetch the doctor. Hoss lifted his brother easily, feeling nothing but bones through the tattered clothing. Tears spilled down his cheek as his brother showed no response to his being lifted. Carefully he laid Adam in his bed, entering the bedroom that had lain untouched for eight months.
“We need to get these clothes off, Pa.” Hoss said running downstairs to fetch a knife. “Hop Sing, it’s Adam. We found Adam. He was here; I mean, he’s hurt.”
Hop Sing listened as Hoss stammered out an explanation. Upon hearing the word hurt, he instantly jumped into action retrieving supplies. Hop Sing followed Hoss back upstairs, and stopped instantly upon seeing the horrible suffering Adam must have undergone. He was unrecognizable. Ben set to cutting off his son’s clothing, gagging when he saw the extent of damage his body had endured. Lash marks covered his body, results of beating with sticks, belts, and what looked to be harness straps. Some wounds had healed over, causing scarring; others were scabbed over and infected. Some looked fresh. It looked as if all of his ribs were either cracked or broken; boot prints were noticeable all over his upper body, showing blue, or purple. His right hand was broken, swollen and a rainbow of colors. Both eyes were swollen shut, and his bottom lip was split. Ben could not control his sobs as he tried to wash away his son’s many wounds, to no avail. He knew his son would die; his breathing was slow and shallow. His body had taken too much punishment to pull through, and even if he was strong enough to fight, his body was racked with infection. His skin was burning with fever and sweat formed on his brow dripping down into his beard.
Hoss stepped beside his father, controlling his own rage upon seeing his brother’s battered body. He laid a hand on father’s shoulder and pulled him upwards. “The doctors coming, Pa. All we can do is try and keep his fever down,” Hoss said, stopping his father from rubbing the wet cloth over the many bruises. “Please Pa, you’re gonna hurt him; the doc needs to clean out those wounds.”
Ben felt his son stop his hand. He flashed him a look of anger before collapsing beside his eldest on the bed. The bed shook from his sudden movement, but Adam did not stir against the pain it must have caused.
“My son. My son,” Ben repeated, holding tight to Adam’s left hand.
***********
“DOC MARTIN!” Joe hollered as he rode towards the doctor’s office, praying that he was in.
“Joe?” The doc asked walking up behind Joe’s horse, his dinner in his hands. “What is it?”
“Adam!” Joe exclaimed, breathing hard with relief.
“Adam?”
“Yes, he’s home. He’s hurt. Please, you have to hurry!”
“But I thought…”
“PLEASE!”
“I’m right behind you, Joe.” Doc Martin said sprinting towards his horse.
Joe and Doc Martin raced towards the ranch, making it there in record time. Both horses were badly lathered, and Joe went right to work on them, allowing the doctor to enter the house.
“BEN!” Doc Martin yelled as he entered the great room.
“Doc! Up here, in Adam’s room,” Hoss answered back.
Doc Martin took the stairs two at a time, rushing into the room. His face registered shock for only a moment before he ordered everyone out of the room. Hoss led his father by the shoulder out of the room, not allowing him to resist the doctor’s orders.
Now alone with his patient, the doctor gave himself a moment to let the situation sink in. Pulling back the covers, he winced when he saw the body beneath them. Bile rose to his throat and he choked it back. He thought he would never understand how man could react so violently to one another. He felt the fever, worried that it was too high. Calling to Hop Sing for more cold water, he bathed the body furiously, hoping to lower his temperature. Hop Sing arrived with the water, and the doctor poured it over the body, wetting the sheets. This would be the quickest way to cool the body, giving him time to check the infections in the multiple wounds. “Keep the water coming, Hop Sing. We’ve got to get his temperature down.”
As he added more and more cold water to the sheets, Adam started to stir. “That’s it, boy, come around a bit.” The doctor soothed as Adam’s body jerked against the cold.
“HOSS!” Doc Martin called. “We need to change these sheets. Could you lift him please?”
Doing as was asked, the bed was remade, and Adam lain down among the fresh sheets. “Hop Sing, I want you to continue bathing his forehead and body, I am going to work on these wounds.”
“What ‘bout pain? Can give something for pain?” Hop Sing asked as Adam’s body tremored.
“Not in this state; it could cause him to slip into a permanent coma. You’ll have to help hold him down.”
Hours passed, and Ben paced the floor of the great room. His sadness and anxiety began to turn to anger as he received no word from upstairs. Hoss and Joe sat on the hearth, chins resting on their hands as they watched their father. Hearing footsteps echo on the stairs, the three men raced to the stairs.
“How is he? HOW IS MY SON?” Ben yelled, his patience worn too thin.
“Ben, he’s fighting. Right now, there is really no telling. He has been badly beaten, starved, and is suffering from severe dehydration. This situation is touch and go. He regained consciousness for a few seconds, but was not responsive. I wish I knew more, Ben, I really do.”
“Can I see him?” Ben asked, his face falling at the doctors news.
“Of course. We have cleaned him up, Ben; we shaved him to fix the lacerations on his face, and Hop Sing cut his hair. He said he would be more comfortable that way.”
Ben raced back up the stairs. The man on his bed now resembled his son, his face clean shaven, his hair cut and brushed back. He was thin -- cheek bones protruded from his face -- but it was now much more obvious that this was Adam. Ben laid a hand on the now soft cheek, tracing his finger over the stitching that closed a hidden wound.
“Stay with us, son. We need you,” Ben whispered into his son’s ear as he ran a hand through his hair. He felt a large bump on the top of his head and quickly pulled his hand away, fearing he would cause his son more pain. “I love you,” he cried as he sat in the chair next to the bed.
Joe stood looking at his brother for the first time since they had found him. His eyes swam with tears, and his hands shook with anger at the sight of his oldest brother. He had never seen Adam so frail. He had only been home from college for five years now; Joe was just becoming a man in his brother’s eyes, and Adam had begun to take him under his wing when he had been taken. Joe remembered that night vividly, and he hid his face in his hands as the memories overtook him.
**********
“Great job, Joe. I can’t believe you rode the black that long!” Adam said, patting his brother on the back.
“Thanks Adam. He should be saddle broke by the end of the week.”
“You are quite the horseman, little brother.”
Joe blushed as his brother complimented his abilities. Seventeen-year-old Joe looked up to his big brother, and any praise he received he relished. Adam had always been strict, but fair. For him to give a compliment as he had, Joe knew he was really pleased.
“Well, let’s get home before Hop Sing threatens to go back to China,” Adam laughed throwing an arm around his little brother.
“Yeah, ol’ Hoss would waste away if he had to survive on our Pa’s cooking,” Joe joked back.
The easy banter continued as the two made their way back to the ranch house. Entering the house, the laughter ended instantly. Ben lay unconscious on the floor next to Hoss. Both men were hog tied, with their arms and legs drawn up behind their backs, then tied together. Men surrounded the brothers before they had time to react, and Joe was tied in the same manner. He then was forced to watch as his oldest brother was beaten mercilessly in front of his eyes.
Laughter echoed in the distance as the men disappeared with his brother, dragging behind the horse. Joe struggled against his ropes, trying to break free and go after them. Getting loose was impossible; Joe’s wrists and ankles were bloody by the time Hop Sing arrived back from visiting his family. By that time, no trace of Adam could be found.
***********
Hoss stood by his brother’s bedside, watching his father stroke Adam’s left hand. Adam’s wrists were now bandaged, as the flesh had been rubbed away, more than likely by leather straps. He heard his father whispering to his brother, but he could not hear what was being said. He remembered the last time his brother had been laid up. It was a chest cold that threatened to turn to pneumonia. Adam had denied being sick for four days straight before he finally collapsed, his body exhausted. His father had sat by his bedside just as he did now, talking softly with his son who was fighting for air. A few days later, Adam had fought off the worst of the infection, and then his father delivered a stern lecture and the threat of a tanning if he ever scared him like that again. Well, they were certainly scared now. Each family member watched the rise and fall of his chest, praying that he would take another breath.
***********
“It’s been a week, Pa. He ain’t woke up but for a minute, and even then, I don’t think he was really awake. He’s got to eat more, Pa; he’s just wastin' away,” Hoss said, worry etched throughout his features.
“Don’t you think I know that? I can’t get him to drink! I don’t know what else to do, Hoss!” Ben snapped back as he tried to spoon another drink of broth into his son. The broth simply ran out of the sides of Adam’s mouth.
“Sorry, Pa, I’m just worried. Joe should be back with the doctor by now.”
“He’ll be here shortly; maybe he can get Adam to drink.”
“I hope so. I can’t bear to see him like this.”
“PA!” Joe called from downstairs. “Doc’s here, he’ll be up in a minute!”
Doc Martin came in the house behind Joe. He walked slowly up the stairs, half afraid of what he may find. Carrying his black bag, he entered the room.
“Well Ben, what have we here?”
“He won’t eat. The broth just slips out of his mouth. I’ve tried everything I know. Even when he does eat, he only gets about a fourth of it down. I’m afraid he’s starving to death.” Frustration showed plain as Ben paced back and forth in front of the bed.
“Let me try. Why don’t you go downstairs and get a cup of coffee.”
“Thank you Paul.”
Doc Martin waited until the room was cleared. Sitting on the bed next to Adam, he opened each eye checking the pupils. His eyes responded appropriately -- at least that was a good sign. Picking up the bowl of warm broth, he carefully spooned some into Adam’s mouth. He watched it slip back out, rolling down his chin and onto the sheets. Lifting Adam into a sitting position, being careful of his busted ribs, he positioned himself behind Adam. Cradling his head, tilting it backwards against his chest he tried again. This time the broth went in, but sat in his mouth. He was not swallowing. The doctor tilted his head back a little further and rubbed Adam’s throat. As he touched his Adam’s apple, he felt him swallow. He continued this process until the bowl was empty.
“Well boy, I think we figured out how to get broth into you. But it’s not enough. You’ve got to eat more, Adam. When are you gonna wake up for us?” the doctor soothed, checking over Adam’s wounds. There were still minor infections in one patch of lacerations, so he set about re-cleaning the wounds. He heard Adam hiss as the alcohol touched the wound. “Adam, you awake?”
Adam’s eyes flickered open, but did not seem to focus on the doctor.
“Adam, look at me now.”
His head lulled forward, and his eyes began to close.
“No, no. No you don’t. I want you to look at me.” The doctor reached forward to lift Adam’s head, just as his eyes reopened. Seeing the hands coming for his face, he flinched away, causing pain to ripple through his battered body. His eye’s met the doctor’s, fear showing clearly in his deep brown eyes.
“Good. Now, can you tell me what your name is?” the doctor said, ignoring his fearful gaze.
Adam’s eyes shone wet with tears; he had known nothing but torture for months, and he wondered what game was in store for him now.
“BEN!” the doctor called, seeing the panic in his patient’s face.
“What is it?!” Ben asked bursting into the room.
“He’s awake. I don’t think he recognizes me. I thought maybe it would help if he saw you.”
Ben sat next to his son on the bed, though his son was holding his gaze on the doctor. “Adam?”
Adam studied the man in front of him. He looked familiar, and he hadn’t made a move to hurt him yet. Of course, that meant nothing; he had played this game before. He felt weight beside him on the bed, and as the bed sunk down, his ribs cried out their pain. He continued searching the doctor’s, face, memories playing in the back of his mind, searching for his connection to this man.
***********
“So young man, you managed to get yourself thrown from a horse?” Doc Martin asked nine-year-old Adam who was lying with his ankle propped up in bed.
“Yes sir. I was riding Lighting, when he spooked. I think it was a snake, but I’m not sure. I came down on my ankle.”
“I see that. My name is Doctor Paul Martin, I’m just gonna take a look see, and decide if it is broken or not.” He carefully pressed his fingers along the bones of the swollen ankle, then moved the foot slightly to the left and right. He asked Adam to wiggle his toes, seeing that none of them were moving. “Well, it looks like your ankle is sprained, but you have broken a bone in your foot. I’m going to have to reset it. It’s gonna hurt a lot. Would you like me to get your father to come sit with you?”
“No sir. I’ll be alright. Pa should stay with Hoss; he was real scared when I fell.”
“If you’re sure?”
“I’m sure. Go ahead, doctor.”
The doctor pulled the foot hard to the left, then slightly back to the right, resetting the bone in the proper place. He felt Adam’s body go rigid with pain, but the boy did not cry out. Tears streaked down his cheeks, but he was silent.
“It’s over, son. I’m just gonna cast it, then leave some instructions with your father. You will need to stay in bed for a few weeks in order for the bones to properly heal. You were a very brave boy today, Adam Cartwright.”
Adam wiped the sleeve of his nightshirt across his eyes. Then he smiled up at the doctor, showing off his dimples. “Thank you. I’d like to see my Pa now, if you think it’s alright.”
“Yes, I’ll get him.”
“Well, son, how are you feeling?” Ben asked, stepping in the room behind the doctor who had come to retrieve his supplies.
“I’m okay Pa. The doctor had to reset the bone. See my cast?”
“He told me. Looks like you’ll be spending some time resting after all, young man. We only made it here about two months ago,” Ben said, looking to the doctor.
“Yes, Adam told me some about your travels.”
“Pa?”
“Yes son?”
“I didn’t cry out. Not even when he pulled real hard. I made sure to be real quiet so’s I wouldn’t upset Hoss.”
“That was nice of you to think of your brother. I bet it was awful hard to keep it all inside, though,” Ben said, sitting next to his son on the bed.
Adam didn’t respond; he just looked thoughtfully at his father, a slight smile played upon his lips.
***********
“That’s what I gotta do now. Have to protect my family,” Adam thought as he recognized the people around them. He tried to speak, but no sound would come. His mouth hurt to open much, and he found he could form no words. He looked from the doctor to his father, and then saw Joe and Hoss standing near the door. He wanted to speak with them so badly, tell them how much he loved them. His body wouldn’t respond to any movement, instead he lay paralyzed.
“You’re awake, older brother. We thought you were going to sleep through Christmas.” Joe said, a weak smile forming as he approached his brother’s bedside.
“Yeah, and that’s six months off. Are you in pain?” Hoss asked, his smile turning to a frown in seconds.
Adam again tried to respond but to no avail. Frustration got the better of him, and he felt a hot tear roll down his freshly shaven cheek.
“It’s okay, son; we’re gonna take good care of you. You’ll be feeling better in no time,” Ben said, tears of his own now falling as he brushed away Adam’s.
Adam closed his eyes against his father’s pain. That is exactly what he did not want to happen. He didn’t want his family to suffer. He felt himself drifting off, back to the nothingness that consumed most of his days. He fought against it, wanting to stay with his family a while longer. Bright colors flashed behind his eyelids, playing out different scenes in front of him. He watched the colors swirl and dance, losing the battle as he slipped back into unconsciousness.
“Dadburnit, Pa. We need to find whoever did this to Adam. I want to see that man die, and I want to be the one to kill ‘im.” Hoss fumed as they left the room, leaving Adam to his own reprieve.
“We don’t know who it was, Hoss. Besides, I don’t want you boys going off half-cocked and doing something we’ll all regret. I can’t lose another son, do you understand that?” Ben paced; he was just as angry as the rest of them. He had seen nothing but fear and anguish in those deep brown eyes full of pain. He wanted them to pay as well, but he wanted the law to handle it. He feared what would happen if another son was caught up in the mix of these ruthless men.
**********
“Well, it’s working. We’re getting more broth into him. His color seems to be improving, but he’s still not saying anything. I think he recognizes us, but he seems unaware of his own body. We are never successful with the chamber pot, and he doesn’t make a move to try and feed himself. What do you make of it, doctor? Is he paralyzed?”
A scream shook the rafters upstairs. It was a scream like they had never heard, almost animalistic. The group made their way towards the stairs, Ben leading the pack. He stopped in fear as he saw no sign of Adam. Looking around the room, his eyes rested on his son’s battered body in the corner of the room. Blankets entangled him, and he sat with his knees pulled to him, back against the wall. His hands were clasped in front of him, as if bound by some unseen force. His breathing was rapid, though he was quiet now. His body could be seen shaking from the doorway.
Walking slowly towards his son, Ben knelt down in front of him. Reaching out to touch him, he quickly pulled his hand back as Adam screamed again. “It’s me, Adam; it’s Pa. Please, son, look at me. I’m not going to hurt you,” Ben soothed, waiting for any sort of recognition from his son.
Adam began rocking back and forth; the doctor feared what this was doing to his broken ribs.
“We have to get him back into bed, Ben,” Doctor Martin said quietly, not wanting to upset Adam further.
“I know that, doctor. I just need a moment with my son. Now Adam, you need to get back in bed. Look, you’re bleeding again. Please son, let me help you up.” He reached forward slowly, stopping when Adam showed signs of panic. He waited for the fear to pass before he inched forward again. “Come, son, let me help you back to bed. I have to lift you up now. It’s okay; I won’t hurt you,” Ben once again soothed as he was able to slip his arm under Adam’s shoulder to lift him.
Ben felt Adam’s head come to rest on his shoulder as he put his other arm under his legs. He lifted Adam carefully, feeling the hot liquid of Adam’s tears soaking through his shirt. He laid him back on the bed, trying his best to keep any pressure off his ribs, then covered him again with the blanket.
“Everything’s alright now, son. You’re home and you’re safe. No one will hurt you again.
“Pa, his hands,” Hoss said quietly as Adam’s hands remained together, fighting against their invisible bonds.
Placing his hands carefully over Adam’s, Ben slowly began to move them apart. Adam watched him closely, fear registering in his eyes, then turning to shock as his hands were freed from their prison. He looked up at his father, trying to express his thanks. His fingers on his left hand twitched as he tried to order them to grasp his father’s hand. Seeing the slight twitch, Ben grabbed his son’s hand, squeezing it softly to relay his understanding.
Joe left the room, unable to watch the scene unfolding in front of him. This was his older brother, the man who was never afraid of anything, whose motto was the only way to hurt me is to kill me. Well, he wasn’t dead. But he was hurt. Joe tried to stop the tears from falling; he was ashamed that he felt angry with Adam for putting them through this. At least they knew he wasn’t paralyzed. He made it to his own room, then threw himself down, letting loose the torrent of tears that had threatened to overflow each time he thought of his brother.
***********
It had been weeks now. Adam still had a few visible bruises, but the swelling in his eyes was now completely gone. He was able to chew soft food, and though he didn’t eat much, his skin was taking on a more natural hue. He still couldn’t speak -- though he wasn’t sure why -- but he was able to use his left hand now to try and communicate. Joe had ordered a few sign language books, and each evening he and Adam would practice signing. It was often difficult since Adam only had use of one hand, but they managed enough for Adam to get his basic needs across. He had regained most of his muscle control, though during his night terrors, he found himself being changed along with the bed sheets. His family had begun taking turns keeping watch over him day and night, trying to quell the night terrors before they consumed him. The entire family was affected by the lack of sleep, as more often than not Adam was racked with images of his tortures experience.
“I’ll look in on him, Pa. He shouldn’t be asleep now; he just woke up not more then fifteen minutes ago. I came down to get him some tea,” Joe said as his father walked in to the kitchen, a stern look on his face.
“You could have called us to get it for you; Hop Sing could have brought it up to you. I don’t want your brother left alone; you know what happens when…”
“I know, Pa!” Joe snapped back interrupting his father. “I needed a break, I’m sorry. It’s hard to sit in that room all day and watch him stare at the ceiling for hours on end. I can’t stand it, Pa. When is he going to come back to us? When is Adam going to be Adam again!” His voice ended in a sob. The lack of sleep had made them all overly emotional.
“I know it’s hard, son, but we can’t rush him. He’s been through hell and back; it’s going to take time...”
“Forget it, Pa. Just forget it. If you need me, I’ll be in Adam’s room.” Joe said stomping off towards the stairs.
Hearing the door open and close, Adam turned his head toward the sound. Signing with his left hand, he motioned to Joe that he was thirsty. Joe handed him the cup, misery still present on his face. Adam took the cup, and swallowed the mixture quickly. He signed for water, which he always demanded be present in his room. Joe refilled the cup, and once again watched his brother drain it. Joe sat down in the chair near the window, and dropped his head into his hands.
Adam tried to speak; seeing his brother was fighting tears, he wanted to comfort him. No matter how hard he tried, he could not form any words. Instead, he slowly sat up, placing two feet on the floor. Taking it slow, and making sure he was balanced, he took a shaky step towards his brother. By the time he reached the window, his legs were shaking with strain.
Joe felt a hand on his back, and looked up quickly, seeing his brother standing in front of him. Joe stood, trying to get Adam back in the bed; he was too weak to be up yet. Instead he found himself pulled into a fierce hug, Adam’s cheek resting in his hair. Joe melted into his older brother’s embrace.
“Adam, I’m so sorry,” Joe cried as his brother squeezed him tighter. “We gotta get you back in bed, brother. If Pa finds us like this, he’ll have my hide.”
Adam allowed himself to be led back to bed. He signed to Joe he needed to use the chamber pot before he settled once again between the sheets. Joe turned his back as his brother took care of business, then helped him back into bed. Adam patted the spot beside him and Joe sat down. Using one hand to sign, Adam asked Joe for a book, then pointed down, which meant it was downstairs. Joe rose to get it, heading for the door.
Adam tried again to speak; this time he was able to croak out a word.
“Joe,” Adam whispered, causing Joe to stop in his tracks. “Thank you.”
Joe turned his tear-filled eyes to his brother, and walked slowly back to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. Adam flinched away, then realizing what he did, saw the hurt in Joe’s eyes.
“He doesn’t understand,” Adam thought to himself as Joe made his way out of the room.
************
“What are we gonna do with him, boss?” Charlie Daniels asked as they bound Adam’s hands tightly behind his back. Adam had ceased struggling after they took a horse whip to him, and now he watched them with dark piercing eyes.
“We’re gonna make him suffer, the way he made my brother suffer. That’s right, Cartwright, Peter Cain was my brother. You killed him; now I’m gonna take up where he left off. I’m going to make you wish you had never been born.”
Adam shifted his position, the lashes from the whipping he received were bleeding, and his skin burned against his clothing. James came towards him, grabbing his hair and pulling his head back. “I think we should let Suzie have first go at him, boys. What do you think?” He laughed, motioning for the woman behind him to step forward. Adam looked her over keeping his expression blank.
“Oh Jimmy, I think that’s a grand idea. We’re gonna have a lot of fun, sweetie, just you wait and see,” she said, forcing her and Adam’s lips to meet as James held him by the hair. Adam refused to return the kiss, and he saw anger brush the features of the woman in front of him.
She was a large woman, scantily clad; it seemed she worked in a low class saloon. She was missing her front teeth, and her hair spiraled out, as if untouched for a long period of time.
Adam tried to squirm away as her hands made their way south; she made sure to cause him severe pain as she spoke.
“I expect you to act accordingly, Cartwright, or else you may not remain a man much longer,” she whispered, increasing her hold. Once again her lips met his, and through his pain, he reluctantly returned the gesture.
***********
The bed sheets were soaked in sweat and bodily fluid as Adam struggled to be let free. He was not aware that it was his father holding him down. He tried in vain to get away from his captors before they hurt him further.
“ADAM!” Ben yelled, gripping his son with all his might. Adam had already reopened his stitches several times, and Ben dreaded having to call upon Doc Martin again. “Wake up now, son; it’s only a dream. Pa’s right here. Open your eyes, Adam, look at me.”
“Hold still Cartwright, we’re not finished with you yet!”
“HOSS! I can’t hold him down much longer. I need your help!” Ben cried as Adam struggled.
“Isn’t this game fun? Okay boys, it’s rigged up. Hold him steady until I explain the rules. You see this string, Cartwright? It’s connected to the trigger on this here rifle. The rifle is aimed at the drifter’s hear; you struggle against it and pull too hard, what do you think’ll happen?”
“Never mind Hoss, he’s stopped struggling. Adam, wake up!”
It had been days since he had eaten. His stomach ached with the lack of nourishment, and now scrapes from the dinner the men had just consumed lay just out of reach. His mouth watered at the need for it, and he reached his hand out to the small pile. He could not reach the food without pulling the string, which in turn would kill the drifter the men had just picked up. Tears built up in his eyes, his conscious battling between what is right, and the need to survive.
“Adam, you’re home, son. Please, please look at me. What is he reaching for, Hoss?”
His hand lay suspended reaching towards the food. Laughter echoed around him as tears dripped from his chin. Suddenly James leapt forward grabbing the outstretched hand and yanking it forward. There was a loud blast; Adam folded into himself, trying to protect his battered body. More laughter was heard as the drifter slumped forward, landing directly in front of him. His eyes wide open, yet empty. He had landed on top of the food that Adam so desperately needed. Using what little strength he had, Adam rolled the dead man off the scraps. Closing his eyes he reached for the blood stained pile.
His eyes flickered open as bile rose into his throat. His ribs protested as he bent over to release the burning acid. He felt a hand on his shoulder and feared he was still in the wilderness. He retched several more times, fearing what was now in store for him. He had broken a rule, vomiting was not tolerated at the campsite. He tightened his body against the pain that he knew was to follow, and slowly opened his eyes to catch sight of his attacker.
“Adam?” Ben asked, helping his son lay back, wiping his mouth with a wet rag.
“Pa?” Adam blinked as he realized he was back in his own room.
“Yes son, it’s Pa. Would you like some water?”
“It wasn’t my fault, Pa. I didn’t move. He was dead, anyway; I needed it,” Adam whispered, crying as his father retrieved the pitcher. “It wasn’t my fault,” he repeated as he slowly rocked back and forth.
***********
“He’s out of it, Pa. I don’t know if he’ll ever be the same. And what was he talking about in there anyway? What did he mean he was dead anyway, and what did he need? How are we gonna help him, Pa? How!” Hoss finished his tirade in anger. He could hear his brother rocking upstairs, the bed squeaking with the movement. He paced the length of the floor, wringing his hands together as he thought of what he would do when he found the men that had done this to his brother.
“Hoss, we’re doing all we can do. If he’d just talk about it, maybe it would help. He won’t speak to anyone, not me, the doctor, the sheriff. I don’t know what to do for him; we just have to wait. The doctor said he can get up and around in a few days; maybe that will help some.”
“PA! COME QUICK, IT’S ADAM!” Joe yelled from his post upstairs. It was his turn to watch over his brother.
“What is it, Joseph?” Ben asked running for the stairs.
“I tried to stop him, I couldn’t. He knocked me out of the way. Hoss, we need you!”
The room was in shambles. Drawers were thrown out of the dresser, clothes littered the floor. Books were strung around the room, his oil lamps lay busted, glass everywhere. Adam had overturned the bed as his father ran into the room, and now he held his captains chair in front of him. As Hoss approached his brother quietly, the chair flew into the window, shattering the glass.
“LEAVE ME ALONE! DON’T TOUCH ME!” Adam yelled, backing himself into a corner, as Hoss approached him. “YOU’LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH THIS, CAIN! YOU’LL PAY FOR WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME!”
Hoss watched his brother fall into the corner and curl himself into a protective ball. He was silent now, and Hoss quickened his approach. He bent to pick up his brother, and felt his body go rigid. He cradled him carefully, and headed out of the room.
“Where are you going? He shouldn’t be out of bed yet!” Ben chided, following closely behind his two oldest sons.
“He was already out of bed, Pa. He don’t want to be in that room no more. I’m taking him downstairs.”
“Hoss, no. He needs to be in bed. Take him to my room.”
“No Pa, he needs to be out. No wonder he’s half out of his mind; he hasn’t been out of bed in a month.”
“Hoss!”
Ignoring his father’s demands, he took each step carefully. Adam remained silent, even as he was laid on the settee.
“He wasn’t sleeping, Pa. He was staring at the ceiling; the next thing I knew he was throwing things around,” Joe said as he watched Hoss stretch a blanket over his brother.
“Hoss?” Adam asked as his eyes focused on his brother.
“It’s me, Adam. You’re downstairs now. I’m gonna get you something to drink.”
“Don’t……….I can’t………Hoss?”
“Okay, it’s okay. I’ll stay right here. Hop Sing will get you some tea.” Hoss sat down seeing the panic in his brother’s eyes.
“I fought him, Hoss. I swear, I fought him. He was just too strong; there were too many of them. I couldn’t keep ’em off me.” Adam held his stare, the brother’s eyes connecting.
“What he do to you, brother? Who?”
“Cain. He…I can’t... Why would he do it?”
“Cain? Adam, Cain’s dead.”
“Cain,” was Adam’s last reply as his gaze once again directed towards the ceiling.
***********
“He’s getting worse, doctor. He’s becoming more and more violent; you should see what he did to his room. He ripped the pictures off the wall, tipped over his dresser -- it was full of clothes. This is happening a few times a week now. I’m worried that we can’t control him much longer. If Hoss wasn’t here, I’d hate to think…” Ben couldn’t finish, his eyes filled with pain as he looked to his friend for help.
“Ben, there are places where Adam could be...well, it would be an asylum. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy. There has got to be something we haven’t tried. Some way to help him.”
“No, I will not put my son in an asylum. But, what else is there to do? I’m worried he may seriously hurt someone, maybe even kill them. He’s not even dreaming when he goes into these rages; he just snaps without warning.”
“It’s only been three months now. Let’s give him a little more time. I brought some medicine. You can inject it into him during his rages; it will knock him out. Take him outside a few times a day, make sure he gets some exercise, but don’t overdue it.”
“Thank you, doctor. We’ll figure something out.”
***********
Adam watched his father speaking with the doctor from the window in his bedroom. He saw the doctor mount his horse, and turn it slowly towards the road. He headed towards the stairs, needing to speak to his father. He knew he was getting worse, but he couldn’t seem to stop it. He thought of his friend Ross and how his life ended, worried that that fate was now his own. He walked slowly up behind his father, and placed one hand on his back. He hadn’t initiated physical contact with anyone for months now, and this gesture now seemed alien to him.
Ben jumped, startled at being touched from behind. He knew Hoss and Joe were on the range, and Hop Sing was in town getting supplies. He turned quickly and met the dark eyes of his son. They had lost their golden hue when he was taken from the ranch; he realized how much he missed seeing the sparkle in those eyes.
“Adam, how’d you get out here? You should be resting.”
“I’m sorry, Pa.”
“Sorry for what, son?”
Adam kicked his foot into the ground causing a dust cloud to rise up around his boot. He dropped his eyes, and his chin began to quiver. He couldn’t face his father, not after what happened to him. “Maybe I should go away awhile.”
“Go away? Where would you go? You’re not nearly strong enough to be out on your own!”
“You don’t understand, Pa! It’s still a game; I’m losing. You weren’t there; you don’t know what they did to me.”
“You’re right, I wasn’t there. I think about that every time I look in your eyes. I would have traded places with you if the Lord had deemed it possible.”
“NO!” Adam yelled back, his face contorting with anger. ‘YOU WOULDN’T HAVE TRADED PLACES WITH ME! NO MAN WOULD CHOOSE TO GO THROUGH THAT...THAT… THEY HURT ME, PA! IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE, THEY HURT ME! THEY STOLE MY DIGNITY, MY MANHOOD, MY SANITY! DON’T YOU SEE? Don’t you see what they’ve done to me?” Adam finished in a whisper.
“I’m sorry, Adam, I’m so sorry,” Ben cried as he pulled his son to him. Adam stiffened instantly as he always did when touched.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” Adam yelled, pulling back from his embrace as memories flooded into his mind. He felt their hands all over him, doing unspeakable things; his body shuddered as he felt rage begin to build inside him. “I’LL KILL YOU FOR THAT! DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!”
Ben released his hold instantly and stepped back. He saw a few of the ranch hands step out of the bunk house, and he prayed Adam would get control of himself.
“Everything alright, Boss?” Charlie asked. He had been a ranch hand for years; he had been there when Adam had left for college.
“I don’t know yet, Charlie. Just keep back,” Ben said quietly, never taking his eyes of his son who was visible shaking. “Adam, why don’t you go back in the house? I’ll come in soon; maybe we can play a game of checkers.”
***********
“Is everything alright, Boss? Want me to tie him back up?” Carter asked as Cain finished another torturous game, throwing the stick to the side.
“No, let him be. He thinks he can escape; give him the opportunity. You hear that, Cartwright? This is your chance. You’re free to make a run for it.”
“Water. Please, I need water,” Adam said, rolling onto his side.
“There’s a creek about a mile that way. Give it your best shot, Cartwright.”
“Please.”
He pulled himself along the ground, in the direction of the creek.
“On second thought, maybe it’s the other way. Well, good luck; you’re gonna need it.”
Laughter ensued as Adam struggled forward. His body screamed in protest, but he needed water.
“Hey Cartwright, you’re so thirsty, why don’t you drink this!” Carter laughed as the men stood in a circle, covering their capture in urine.
***********
Coming out of the memory, Adam dropped to his knees. He covered his face with his hands, praying to be released from the hell in his own mind. “Please, just leave me alone, Pa. I just want to be alone,” Adam said through muffled words.
“Okay, you just come in when you’re ready.” Ben motioned Charlie and the onlookers to get busy as he walked slowly in the house.
***********
“Morning, Adam,” Joe greeted as his brother made his way to the table. “Sleep well?”
“Alright I guess. Must have made it through the night without much fuss. I didn’t have any of you three in my room.”
“Nope, didn’t hear a sound, older brother. That’s the first good night’s sleep you’ve had in six months.”
“Sure is. I was actually thinking of going to town today, maybe getting the mail.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that, Adam? I mean, why don’t you take Hoss with you. You two haven’t been able to spend much time together,” Ben said, hoping his son would heed his advice. Adam hadn’t expressed interest in going to town since he’d been back home. He had, however, shown much improvement on controlling his emotions as of late, and the nightmares were starting to fade.
“What do you say, Hoss?” Adam questioned, looking at his bigger little brother.
“That’d be just fine. Sides, I wanted to talk to Hank about that stallion he bought.”
“Good, we’ll leave after I finish some chores,” Adam said, taking a bite of his breakfast.
“Adam, your fork,” Ben said, seeing his son pick up the eggs with his fingers.
Adam looked down, seeing his fork lying untouched by his plate. He was still working on overcoming some of these quirks, and knew his family didn’t hold it against him. He sometimes needed to be reminded to eat with a fork, instead of his hands, as he had become so accustomed to. “Sorry, Pa.”
“Not a problem. When you pick up the mail, could you deliver this letter for me?”
“Sure. Hoss, you’ll help me remember?”
“Course I will, older brother. Hey, what chores were you planning on doing this morning?” Hoss asked, just now realizing his brother’s earlier statement.
“Thought I’d chop some wood, muck out the stalls. Unless you think I am incapable, brother.”
“I didn’t say that, it’s just that…well…I don’t want anything to happen.”
“Nothing will happen. I haven’t had an episode all week. I know I scared you last time, but I really want to try and get through this. I can’t just sit around here all the time while you three work yourselves to death.”
“I want you to stop immediately if you feel any anxiety, Adam. You could have really injured yourself last time,” Ben said, remembering how Adam had dropped the axe, just missing his foot.
“Sure, Pa. Is there anymore water?” he asked, staring hard at the empty pitcher.
“I’ll fetch us some, older brother.” Hoss said, seeing his brother struggle to maintain his composure.
Ben watched in silence as Adam’s features began to cloud over. The main thing that would set him off would be the lack of water. He always had a cup or canteen with him wherever he went. Ben knew it was because he was often denied the basic needs of food and water, and his instincts now told him it was a precious commodity, never to be without.
“Here you go. Fresh pitcher. So, you say you’re about ready to get started?” Hoss said pouring his brother a full cup.
Adam drained the glass, then filled it again. He carried it with him from the table, his food only half eaten. He had the habit of making Hop Sing keep the rest stored for him; he always felt if he didn’t save some now, there would be none later.
“Let’s go;” Adam said as he headed out the door, grabbing his hat from the desk.
***********
“See, I made it through the whole pile,” Adam said as his father came to stand beside him.
“You sure did; that’s a lot of wood, son.”
“Yeah. He smiled, pleased with himself for finally completing a task. “Where’s Joe?”
“He went to Placerville remember? He won’t be back until the day after tomorrow.”
“Right. You think he’ll get a good price for that stock?”
“I think he’ll do just fine.”
“Well, I’m gonna get washed up, head to town.”
“You sure you want to do this today?”
“I’m sure, Pa. Why don’t you come along? Maybe then you won’t worry so much.”
“I think I’ll do that. Things can take care of themselves here for a day. How about we stop and eat at the International House this evening?”
“Alright, I’ll tell Hop Sing.”
“How’s he doing, Pa?” Hoss asked seeing the wood in a freshly laid pile.
“Seems fine. I think he is doing better today, Hoss, I really do.”
“Think he’s up for a trip to town?”
“About that. I’m gonna join you; thought maybe we would stay in town for dinner. First sign of trouble, though, we head out.”
“Yes sir.”
*************
“Hello Mr. Kent, nice to see you again,” Joe said entering the saloon to clear his throat of the dust that had accumulated there.
“Hi there, Little Joe, what brings you to town?”
“Came to sell some stock. Thought I’d have a drink before I started back home.”
“I see. What’ll it be then?”
“Make it a beer.” Joe looked around; he hadn’t been to Placerville for over a year. His oldest brother usually made the trip. His eyes searched the room, stopping on a tall man with piercing blue eyes. He was standing with a group of people, three men and a rather large female. They were laughing amongst each other. Joe felt his heart rate increase, and his hands began to shake.
“Joe, here’s your beer. How‘s that brother of yours doing? I heard he was kidnapped.”
“That man, what’s his name?” Joe asked, his eyes never leaving the group.
“Cain, James I think. He came into town a little over six months ago. Those five come in here every night. Why, is there something wrong?”