The Journey to Heartbreak
(This story is also known as ‘For the Love of Jamie’)
“Won’t you come in, Adam?” Harriet Ambrose invited, “Jamie will be down soon. Can I get you a cup of coffee while you wait?”
“Yes, thank you, that’d be very welcome.” Adam Cartwright stepped inside the front door of the small, neat, well-kept house on the outskirts of Virginia City. He had rushed an early breakfast to be here on time, and a coffee sounded good. He took off his black hat, to reveal equally black hair above a handsome face, and followed Harriet into the kitchen, noticing that as usual, she had on a dress that fitted her graceful curves to perfection, as would be expected from a dress maker. This time it was deep crimson, which set off the corn colour of her hair.
Since first meeting Harriet and her son, Adam had been a regular visitor to the house, usually to take Jamie out for the day, but he and Harriet had become friends as well. Jamie had just celebrated his ninth birthday and Adam was going to take him on a trip into the mountains as a treat. Jamie had never been away from home overnight and was excited at the prospect of the three-day excursion.
“This is very good of you, I know Jamie is looking forward to it. I hope he won’t be too much bother.” Harriet always worried that Adam might find Jamie a burden.
Adam laughed, looking across the table into Harriet’s pretty, blue eyes. “Will you please stop worrying about us being out together, I enjoy having him with me. He’s good company, and this was my idea,” he pointed out.
“Yes I know, and I’m grateful. He’s been much more settled since you have been coming here. I didn’t realise how it was affecting him, not having a father.” Harriet handed a cup of coffee to Adam and then sat down opposite him at the table.
“Well, there’s no doubting that life is more normal with two parents, but just because Jamie doesn’t have a father, doesn’t mean he isn’t getting a good upbringing.” He looked at Harriet, thinking of his own life, and the fact that he had not had a mother of his own. He had known briefly the mothers of his two younger brothers, before their untimely deaths, but never his own who had died when he was born.
The lack of a parent was one thing that Adam shared with the young boy, and he knew that it drew them together, he also knew he didn’t need to be guarded with Jamie. He could let down the barriers that he had put up against the world, and just be himself. Jamie, with his incessant questions, sometimes made Adam examine his life and ideals in more detail than he would like, but more often than not, he would be satisfied with what he found. He now knew that Jamie never told his mother about their discussions, preferring to keep them special unto themselves, and this left Adam free to open his heart and his mind to the innocent child he had come to depend on and, Adam admitted to himself, to love
Jamie came rushing into the kitchen and threw his arms round Adam, his fair hair, white shirt and tan pants contrasting strongly with Adam’s black clothing.
“Can we go now?” He wanted to get away quickly, he had been thinking about this trip ever since Adam had suggested it, and wanted to be off.
“Let Adam finish his coffee,” Harriet admonished her son, and Jamie sat on Adam’s lap fidgeting. Adam downed his coffee quickly.
“I’ve got a surprise for you outside.” Adam looked into the eager face of the boy.
“What?” Jamie’s eyes lit up.
“Wait and see.” Adam winked at Harriet and set Jamie on his feet. Jamie took Adam’s hand and pulled him towards the door. As Jamie got outside he saw Sport, Adam’s tall, sorrel horse, standing at the hitching rail next to a black pony, but there was no sign of the animal that Adam usually brought for him to ride.
“Where’s Jethro?” Jamie was suddenly worried that they were not going on their trip.
“Well, he’s getting a bit old for trips into the mountains. So I thought I would bring a new pony for you.”
Jamie went up to the horse and rubbed its nose. The horse snickered in greeting.
“He’s beautiful. What’s his name?” Jamie looked up at Adam who had come to stand beside him.
“Well now, I thought that perhaps, as he’s going to be yours, that you would like to give him a name,” said Adam, smiling down at Jamie.
“What do you mean?”
“I want to give him to you, for your birthday, if it’s all right with your mother.” Adam looked up at Harriet and saw her smile.
“That’s very generous of you Adam, but I have nowhere to keep him,” Harriet said uncertainly. She didn’t want to take this wonderful gift from her son, but there were practicalities that had to be considered.
“That’s OK, he can live at the Ponderosa,” Adam volunteered.
“Can I Ma? Please,” Jamie begged, looking up into his mother’s face with longing in his eyes.
“Then, yes, of course.” Harriet smiled as she saw the joyful expression on her son’s face. It had come often since Jamie had known Adam, and she was more grateful then he would ever know.
Jamie turned and hugged Adam.
“Oh thank you, thank you,” he cried. Then he turned back to the pony. “I’ll call him ‘Starlight’,” Jamie said decisively.
Adam raised his eyebrows, so Jamie explained.
“He’s got a white star on his forehead.”
“Oh, I see. Starlight it is then.”
Jamie couldn’t wait to get up on his present and begged Adam to hurry up. Adam took his leave of Harriet, who stood and watched the pair ride off. She sighed as they were lost from sight, and she returned to the house. Adam was a good influence on the boy and she wished that he were around more often. She had wondered at first if there might be more than friendship between herself and the darkly handsome rancher, but the spark was not there and they remained just friends.
Adam and Jamie made their way out of town and through the forest, up into the hills. Jamie was getting used to the feel of his new mount, and found that the pony was easy to handle and had a steady, even gait. Jamie had never ridden a horse until he met Adam, but he had learnt quickly and now rode with ease, relaxed in the saddle. Adam saw in the boy the same love and understanding for horses that was evident in his own youngest brother, nineteen-year-old Joe, and wondered if Jamie would make his life with them, as Joe wanted to.
As they rode on Jamie was eager to test the speed of his pony.
“See that tree at the top of the rise?” Jamie pointed to a large specimen in the distance that stood above its fellows, at the side of the track.
“Yes.” Adam looked up ahead, knowing what was coming.
“Race you!” shouted Jamie as he kicked the pony’s side. The animal took off fast, almost tipping Jamie out of the saddle. Starlight was young, unlike Jethro, and the speed took Jamie by surprise. Adam sighed and raced after them, reaching the tree twenty yards ahead of Jamie.
“Aw, you won.” Jamie looked dejected as he pulled up alongside Adam.
Jamie jumped down and sat on a fallen tree trunk. Adam saw the downcast look and came to sit beside him, resting his elbows on his knees and turning his head to look at the boy.
“Did you really expect me not to?” Adam asked reasonably.
“No, I guess not, but…” Jamie kicked at a stone wedged in the dirt.
“But you think I should have let you win, seeing as how Starlight is your new pride and joy, hn?”
“Well…” Jamie didn’t like to admit it, but that was exactly how he felt.
“Jamie, look at me.” The boy lifted his eyes to meet the dark, intense gaze of his man-friend. “You knew you couldn’t win, not against Sport. One day you will have a horse that can beat him, I’ll make sure of it. But how would you know? If I let you beat me, how would you know that, when you won, it was because you could, not simply because I let you? Believe me, a hollow victory is not worth the effort. Better to know you have won because you deserve to, because you’re better.”
“S’pose so.” Jamie wasn’t convinced.
“Part of the fun of winning is the struggle you have to put into it. Knowing it is the culmination of all your efforts.”
“Cul…culmiwhat?” asked Jamie.
“Culmination. It means the highest point, the top.” Adam never spoke to Jamie as though he was a child, and sometimes he used words that Jamie did not understand. Jamie knew that he could ask Adam for an explanation, indeed Adam encouraged it, and he would stop and make sure that Jamie understood before he continued.
Jamie thought about it for a minute.
“But I’m going to keep trying,” he said bravely.
“I hope so.” Adam put his arm round Jamie’s shoulder. “Now let’s get on, only a bit slower if you don’t mind. Neither Sport nor I are as young as we were.” Jamie stood up and laughed.
“Would you like me to help you up, old man?” Jamie offered. Adam scowled and rose quickly to his feet and chased Jamie round the trees, until he caught the fleeing boy and tickled him unmercifully. Jamie had tears of laughter running down his face as he begged Adam to stop. Adam laughed as he held him firmly.
“Now, less of the old man, or I’ll tickle you again. Say ‘sorry’ and treat me with the respect my great age deserves,” said thirty-one-year-old Adam
“All right, all right, I’m sorry.” Squealed Jamie, then as Adam let him go he added, “Old man.”
Adam chased him back to the horses, where they stood for a while to get their breath back. They smiled at each other and mounted, riding off slowly through the forest.
***********
They camped that night in the mountains, amongst the trees near a stream, from where they had a view across to the waters of Lake Tahoe in the distance. Adam asked Jamie to collect some more firewood, while he cooked supper. After eating their fill they were sitting quietly, enjoying the peace around them when Jamie looked at Adam, trying to gauge his mood.
“Adam?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you like my Ma?”
Adam had learnt very quickly that Jamie often asked searching questions that were difficult to answer. But Adam always answered them to the best of his ability. The boy seemed to have an understanding of the world beyond his years, and could deal with difficult replies, if he felt they were honest. But this time Adam wasn’t sure he was following the boy’s train of thought.
“Why do you ask?”
“I was just wondering. I know she likes you.” Jamie was searching Adam’s face hopefully.
“Yes, I like your Ma.” Adam began to get an idea of where this was leading.
“She’s a woman, ain’t she?”
“Isn’t she,” Adam corrected automatically. “Yes, she’s certainly a woman.”
“And you’re a man.” Jamie felt that he was being logical and reasonable, and would soon get the answer he was looking for.
“I’m glad you’ve noticed,” Adam said, smiling.
“Then, if you like each other, why don’t you…you know?” Jamie wasn’t sure of the words he wanted, but he could tell that Adam understood.
“Why don’t I marry your mother, is that it?” Adam raised his eyebrows in question.
“Yes,” said Jamie, relieved that he had got it right.
“Jamie, come here.” Adam instructed and Jamie came and sat close to Adam, who put his arm round the boy. “I like your mother, and I’m glad that she likes me. But that’s all there is. When you marry someone, you must love them, liking them is not enough.”
Jamie looked up at him and shifted round so that he could see Adam’s face.
“But why. You’d be happy with her, I just know it.”
“Jamie, I’ll try to explain it to you. When you love someone you would do anything for them, give everything, even your life, for them. You want to be with them all the time, devote your life to them. It’s so much more than liking them. When you’re older you’ll know what I mean.”
“You wouldn’t give your life to save my Ma?” Jamie was shocked to think that Adam would stand by and see his mother killed.
“I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I hope that I would. She’s a good woman, and important to you. But let me give you an example that’s not quite so extreme. Suppose your Ma decided to move away, and she asked me to go with her, wanted me to give up the Ponderosa and my family to be with her. I couldn’t do it, because I don’t love her. I want to be with my family, here. If I loved her then I would go, because I would want to be with her wherever she was. Do you see?”
Jamie frowned, thinking.
“But I don’t want to move,” he said at last.
“No, I know, that’s just an example, to show you the difference between liking and loving.” Adam paused and brushed at his cheek with his finger, while he tried to think of a line of reasoning that Jamie would understand. “Let me ask you something. Do you like my father?”
“Yes. He frightened me a bit when I first met him, but he’s fun and kind, and tells great stories.” Adam smiled at the description of his father, he made a mental note to tell him what Jamie thought of him.
“Would you want to go and live with my Pa, leave your mother and your home?”
“I’d like to live with you. We could do lots of great things,” Jamie said, excited at the prospect.
“No, not with me, just with my Pa.” Adam shook his head.
“No, then I guess not,” Jamie admitted.
“That’s because you like him, but don’t love him. You love your mother and want to live with her.” The look on Jamie’s face told Adam that he was finally getting through to the boy.
“Will you still come and visit, even though you don’t love Ma?” Jamie was now concerned that he had made Adam think about his Ma in a different way.
“Of course. You visit with friends all the time. Because you enjoy their company and like to see them.”
Jamie nodded, reassured.
“That’s enough talk, time for bed.” Adam tucked the blanket round Jamie and said ‘goodnight’ as he settled himself in his bedroll.
“Thanks, Adam.”
“You’re welcome.”
Adam thought back over what he had said and smiled to himself. So many times he had heard his father having similar deep discussions with Joe or Hoss, explaining the world. ‘My God, I’m turning into my father’, Adam thought. Then consoled himself that there were worse people to become.
Adam allowed himself to contemplate what it would be like to be a father, to have someone like Jamie around all the time, dependant on him, sharing his life. He wondered for a moment if the love he felt for the child was enough to draw him to his mother. Adam shook his head, no, there had to be more, as he had just explained to Jamie. But Adam knew that one day Harriet might marry again and Jamie would be taken from him, and he shied away from the thought.
His mind turned to his family and home, finding comfort there until he fell asleep.
The following morning Adam took Jamie into the forest to show him the flora and fauna.
“The what?” Jamie asked when Adam told him what they were doing.
“Flora, that’s the flowers and trees. Flora was the Roman goddess of flowers, and that’s used for anything growing, and fauna, she’s another goddess, that’s animals. The words are Latin, scientists use them all the time to encompass a whole range of things.” Adam waited for the inevitable question.
“Encompass?”
“Means to surround or contain.”
As they walked through the sun-dappled forest, Adam pointed out some of the flowers and bushes. The trees were predominantly the ponderosa pines for which his home had been named, but occasionally they found a western juniper or sugar pine. Bird song was rare at this altitude, but Adam heard a woodpecker in the distance and they tried to find it. Jamie pointed upwards as he saw the bird high in the trees, and they sat and watched it as it tried to get through the bark to its lunch hiding beneath.
They saw few animals, only the occasional squirrel or rabbit, and in the distance a herd of deer, but then Adam spotted signs of bear and once, a mountain lion. He thought that the spoor was old enough for them not to worry about it, but he pointed them out to Jamie, and then sat him down on the ground.
“Jamie, I want you to be very careful. You know the woods can be dangerous?”
Jamie saw the look in Adam’s eyes and realised that he was very serious.
“Yes.”
“These tracks are a few days old, but it means that these animals are about, I don’t want you wandering off anywhere, do you understand?”
“Yes, I’ll be careful.” Jamie looked a little frightened, which Adam thought was no bad thing, but he didn’t want to scare the child too much, this was supposed to be fun. “Let’s see what we can gather to make supper more interesting.”
They went in search of supplies and returned to camp with handfuls of mushrooms, and their shirtfronts full of berries. Jamie had added some nightshade to the collection and Adam had pointed out to him that it was poisonous and would kill him if he ate enough.
The two companions went fishing in the afternoon and caught some trout for their supper. As he cooked, Adam told Jamie more about deadly plants, and explained that you should never eat anything that you weren’t certain about. Jamie was fascinated and Adam promised him that he would try to find some more examples before they went home.
They ate supper, the mushrooms adding flavour to the stew, and the sweet berries making good eating raw. Then they settled down, Adam drinking coffee, and Jamie with some lemonade that Adam had brought at the insistence of his father’s cook, Hop Sing. As usual, Jamie had questions.
“How come you know about so many things?”
“Well, I went to college as you know, which taught me a lot, but knowing about this country I learned by being here. There’s a lot you can learn from books. If you can read you can find out about anything, that’s why it’s so important, but there’s no substitute for experience.”
“I’m having a great experience, thanks Adam.”
“It’s my pleasure.”
“Why did you go? To college I mean.” Jamie wanted to know. He watched as Adam frowned and stared into the fire. Jamie thought that Adam wasn’t going to answer, but waited patiently, until the man looked at him.
As Adam thought about it, he realised that he had never really questioned his decision to go east. He had decided that it was what he wanted to do, ever since he was old enough to know about further education, but why? Slowly, the answer came to him.
“You know that my mother died when I was born?” Jamie nodded, Adam had explained that to him. “Well, I think that I believed that since she had died to give me life, I should make the most of that life, do the best I could with what she had given me, not waste it by just doing enough to get by. I found that I wanted to learn, that I had a talent for learning, and when I heard about universities and what they could teach you, I knew that I had to go there. I would learn all I could, and then use it to help my family. It’s what Elizabeth would have wanted. I think Pa must have known, that’s why he struggled to find the money to send me. It wasn’t easy for him, we didn’t have the resources we have now.”
Jamie wasn’t sure what ‘resources’ were, but he didn’t want to interrupt Adam.
“I suppose that’s one of the reasons that I work hard now. To make my mother proud of me, to see that she didn’t give her life for nothing.” Adam stared into the fire, as he thought about his mother.
“Was it good going to college?” Jamie couldn’t believe that anyone would want to stay in school longer than they had to, but Adam had done so by choice.
“What do you mean by ‘good’?” Adam asked, bringing his mind back to the present. He stretched out on the ground and turned on his side, propping his head on one hand. Opposite him, Jamie mirrored his position.
“Well, I don’t know. I suppose I mean, well, was it…” Jamie stopped, trying to remember a word that Adam had used one day. “Was it beneficial?”
Adam smiled at the boy’s appropriate use of the word.
“Yes, it was. I didn’t like being away from my family, of course. I found that quite difficult to start with. But then I made some friends, and things became easier as I got used to being there. I learnt things at college that I couldn’t learn here.”
“Not even from books?” Jamie smiled, throwing Adam’s own observation back at him.
“I was taught by some of the men who wrote those books, and they had a lot more to tell me than they could put in the books. Being able to talk to them, discuss different ideas with them, made me understand so much more.” There was a wistful tone in Adam’s voice, which the boy picked up.
“Do you wish you were still there?”
Adam looked at Jamie, wondering how a nine-year-old could have such an understanding of how he felt.
“Yes, sometimes, but I never regret coming back home. I can use so much of what I learnt, which is why I went, after all. And at the moment, I want to be with my family. I have a lot to give them, and they give so much to me. But I feel torn in two. Half of me wants to be here and half of me wants to be back East.” Adam admitted, knowing that he would never have said any of these things to anyone else.
“Well, I don’t know where you should be, but a lot of people want you to be here.” Jamie was glad that Adam had decided to come home.
“Thanks, Jamie, but sometimes you have to do what you want, not what others want you to do. But then, as with so many choices one makes, someone usually gets hurt.” Adam stared into the darkness beyond the camp.
Jamie could see that Adam had that far away look in his eyes that told him his friend would not talk much more that night.
“Goodnight, Adam.”
“Goodnight, Jamie.”
**********
Adam woke early next morning and rolled over looking for Jamie. They would have to make their way home today, and must pack up their gear. Suddenly Adam was on his feet, Jamie was nowhere to be seen.
“Jamie!” he called. “Jamie, where are you?” He looked round the campsite anxiously, but the boy was gone. Adam enlarged the circle of his search and finally caught sight of Jamie through the trees. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the boy standing in front of a mature stag whose honey-coloured head was adorned by a magnificent pair of antlers, and Jamie had his hand outstretched towards it. The stag’s head was moving up and down, challenging the small figure standing in front of him. Adam didn’t want to frighten the animal, so he stopped among the trees, about thirty yards away from Jamie who was in a large clearing. Adam wished that he had thought to pick up his gun, but in his eagerness to find his missing companion, he had left it behind.
Adam called softly, just loud enough for the boy to hear him. “Jamie, I want you to back away very slowly, come back towards me, but don’t run.” Jamie looked round, seeing Adam behind him.
“It’s OK he’s friendly,” Jamie called.
“No! He’s not. Come here, slowly.” Adam tried to keep his voice level, while impressing on Jamie the need to move.
As Jamie started backwards, the stag put it’s head down, and then raised it up and bellowed. Jamie was frightened by the noise and turned and ran. Seeing this, the stag started to run as well. The animal was closing on Jamie, and Adam ran towards the boy, shoving him roughly aside as the stag would have caught him. Jamie fell and rolled on the long grass, then he heard a cry, and when he looked round he saw Adam laying on his side, pinned to the ground by the stag, his thigh pierced in several places by the sharp points of the antlers. Adam’s hands were holding the antlers of the angry stag, struggling to push them away from him, his head was thrown back, his eyes squeezed tight with pain, and he cried out every time the animal moved. Jamie ran towards them, shouting. This was too much for the stag, and with a final jerk of its head, it pulled free and took off into the forest.
Jamie ran to Adam and knelt down beside him.
“Adam! Adam!” he cried. Adam didn’t answer, his hands were gripped tightly round his leg, and his face reflected the agony he felt. Jamie looked down and saw the rents in the left leg of Adam’s pants, from his knee almost to the top of his thigh, he also saw the blood seeping between Adam’s fingers. Tears were streaming down Jamie’s face, he didn’t know what to do.
“Adam, please, you gotta be all right.” Jamie let out a small sob as Adam opened his eyes, and groaned. He saw Jamie kneeling over him, and despite the pain, he smiled reassuringly.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Jamie cried. “I didn’t mean to disobey you, but he looked so sad and lonely. Adam, I’m sorry, really I am.” Jamie was hiccupping on his sobs, trying to tell Adam how sorry he was for what he had caused.
“Jamie.” Adam tried to get some strength into his voice, to calm the boy.
“Yeah?” Still sobbing.
“You’re going to have to help me,” Adam said between gritted teeth.
“What can I do?” Jamie tried to stop his crying, he was so relieved to have Adam speak to him.
“Help me up, but gently.” Adam gripped his leg tightly as he tried to sit up. Jamie brushed his fingers across his eyes, trying to stop the tears, and then he put his hands under Adam’s shoulders and lifted, grunting with the effort. Adam half stood, but as he put his weight gingerly on his leg, he screamed and collapsed. Jamie looked terrified, so Adam reached out and patted his arm, leaving a bloody smear on the pale cream linen
“Just give me a minute.” He took a few deep breaths. “OK, let’s try again.”
This time he managed to stay standing, taking all his weight on his right leg. He carefully put his left foot down, and gripping his leg with his hands, put some weight on it. His face contorted with the pain, but he took a breath, and with enormous effort, brought his features under control. He didn’t want to frighten Jamie, he was going to have to rely on the boy to help him, and didn’t want him to panic.
“Back to camp.” Adam instructed and they went together slowly, with Jamie trying his best to support Adam’s weight. Adam moved from tree to tree looking for support, stopping often to rest, and when they eventually made it back, he sank down gratefully onto his bedroll.
“Jamie, get my spare shirt from my saddle bags.” Adam’s eyes were trying to close, but he was fighting to stay conscious long enough to give Jamie instructions. Jamie returned with the shirt and Adam told him to tear it into strips, and then to put some water on to heat. Jamie did as he was told and soon had hot water and was bathing the three gaping wounds in Adam’s thigh, where the antlers had torn into him.
“Adam, Adam!” Jamie was getting no response and started to panic, but then Adam opened his eyes.
“It’s all right, I’m still here, just resting.” Adam breathed deeply, trying to concentrate on what he had to do. “Now, we’ll bind the strips round my leg.”
“What about your pants?”
Adam’s breath was coming faster and his head was swimming. He squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them, shaking his head, trying to make his brain stay awake.
“Never mind them, I can’t get them off, just wrap it over them, but keep one of the longest strips, we’ll need that.” Adam paused, then he continued, “I want you to go and find me a stick, something at least as thick as my finger.” Jamie followed his instructions, and helped Adam to sit up and soon they got the wounds bound as best they could. Adam lay back, his breath coming in short gasps, while he waited for Jamie to find the stick, only the thought of what would happen if he passed out now, keeping him conscious
The boy returned after a few minutes, and Adam took the remaining length of cloth and tied it loosely round the top of his thigh, above the bandages covering the deep wounds in his leg. Then he took the stick, and after breaking it in half to make it the right length, he pushed it through, under the binding, and wound it round and round, until it tightened the cloth as much as was possible, and then he tucked the end of the stick under the cloth so that it could not unwind. Jamie watched, fascinated.
Adam took some deep breaths to steady himself, he had to make the boy understand what he had to do. Without Jamie’s help, Adam knew he could die out here. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, and then he looked at Jamie. “This is what is called a tourniquet. I have to stop the bleeding, and this should help. Now I want you to listen very carefully. I’m going to give you my watch and I want you to loosen the tourniquet every fifteen minutes, for one minute, and then tighten it again. It must be very tight. Do you understand?”
“I think so. Every fifteen minutes, for one minute.” Jamie repeated the instructions.
“Good boy,” Adam smiled, “I’ll try and do it a couple of times, then it’s up to you.” Adam realised his throat was dry. “Could you get me a drink of water?” Jamie ran off to get the canteen while Adam pulled his watch from his pocket and checked the time. He prayed that he could stay awake long enough to show Jamie what to do.
Fifteen minutes later Adam loosened the stick and groaned as the blood flowed back into his leg. He could see that the black material that had once been his shirt was wet with blood, which dripped steadily onto the grass as they watched. After a minute, he tightened the tourniquet again, and the flow of blood ceased.
“What does it do?” Jamie, as usual, was full of questions.
Adam answered slowly. “Tightening it stops the flow of blood, helping the blood that is there to clot. But it has to be loosened every now and then, or the lack of blood supply will starve the tissue of oxygen and it will die.” Adam looked at Jamie, trying to instil in him the importance of what he had asked the boy to do. “If you don’t do it right, then at best I could lose my leg, at worst I could bleed to death.”
The look on Jamie’s face told Adam that he had, indeed made him take notice. It was a mixture of panic and determination. Jamie swallowed hard.
“It’s OK, Adam, I can do it.”
“I know.”
“Can I do it next time?”
“Good idea.” Adam handed his watch to Jamie, and lay back, waiting. The world was going grey and he realised that he must have left it for a time because, after what Adam supposed to have been fifteen minutes, he felt Jamie’s hand on the stick, and opened his eyes to watch as the boy turned it carefully. Again, Adam felt the rush of blood into his leg, and breathed hard against the pain, but then Jamie tightened the binding and the pain receded.
Adam’s breathing was getting shorter, and he put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder.
“Jamie, I’m going to pass out…but I don’t want you to worry…it’s…it’s natural, just my body…saying it needs a rest. Don’t go wandering off…you hear me? I…need you.” Adam’s eyes were rolling in his head, and finally he gave in and slipped into unconsciousness.
Jamie sat beside Adam, tears coursing down his face as he looked down at his friend and protector, but he steadfastly kept his eyes on the watch and loosened and tightened the tourniquet, following Adam’s instructions.
***********
It was almost dark as Harriet Ambrose pulled up in her buggy outside the Ponderosa ranch house. Inside, Ben Cartwright heard the sound of her approach, and went to the door to see who was visiting at this time of night.
Ben and his younger sons, Hoss and Joe, had just finished supper and were waiting for Adam to return. He had said that he would be home sometime late in the afternoon, at least in time to join them for supper, but as yet there was no sign of him. Ben supposed that he had been delayed in town, knowing that his son was going to return Jamie to his home before coming back.
He went to the door and was surprised, and a little worried, to see Jamie’s mother. He went to greet her.
“Mrs. Ambrose, what a pleasant surprise.” Ben held out his hand towards her. Harriet ignored it and came straight to the point.
“Is Adam here?”
“No, we were just waiting for him. Please come inside.” Ben escorted Harriet into the large sitting room and introduced Hoss and Joe. Harriet nodded to them in greeting and then turned to Ben.
“I’m very worried. Adam said that they would be back this afternoon, but they have not returned. Mr. Cartwright, one thing I have learned about your son is that when he says he will do something, he will do it. If he said they would be back this afternoon then he would have been, if he could. I’m afraid that something has happened to them.” Harriet sat down on the sofa in front of the fire and looked round at the men. Her gaze told them that she was more than worried, she was distraught.
Ben sat down next to her. “Mrs. Ambrose. I can’t tell you not to worry. You’re right, Adam is always reliable, especially when someone like Jamie is involved.” Ben sat and thought for a moment. “It’s too late to go looking for them tonight, but if they’re not home by morning we will go and search for them.”
“Not in the morning, can’t you go now?” Harriet pleaded.
“It will be dark very soon, we would never find them. No, morning will be soon enough.”
“But my son is missing.” Harriet cried, trying to make Ben see the importance of looking for them now.
“Mrs. Ambrose, Harriet, my son is missing too,” said Ben gently.
“I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m so worried, Jamie is all I have in this world.” A tear crept down her face, and Ben put a strong arm round her.
“I know, I know.” He held her as she brought herself under control. Ben was thinking that while he may have other sons, no one could replace his eldest, his precious legacy from Elizabeth.
Joe sat in front of Harriet, on the large coffee table.
“Mrs. Ambrose, we know where Adam was planning on camping and the route he was going to take. We’ll go out at first light and look for them, don’t worry.” Harriet looked into Joe’s bright, green eyes and shook her head. This young man couldn’t understand her concern.
“Yeah, ma’am,” said Hoss, “Adam always let’s us know where he’ll be when he goes into the mountains. It won’t take but a short while to find them.”
Harriet was suddenly taken with how different were Adam and his brothers. Where Adam was tall, slim and dark, Hoss was fairer and half as heavy again, with handsome blue eyes, and Joe was smaller and brown haired. She did not know about their different mothers and wondered at the variation. But it comforted her to see them. Hoss gave her the feeling of enormous security with his size and gentle smile, and Joe’s laughing eyes gave her a sense of hope. Ben, sitting beside her, grey haired and strong featured with deep, wise eyes that told her that he would know what to do. She breathed a sigh of relief at finding such comfort in her trouble.
“Thank you, all of you. I’m sure they’re all right,” she said, trying to convince herself.
“Harriet, would you like to stay here tonight?”
“Oh no, that’s too much of an imposition.”
“Not at all.” Said Ben, realising that it would be better for her not to be alone. “It’s nearly dark, and besides it would be better for you to be here in case they turn up tomorrow.”
“Well, I left a message for Adam at home telling him I would be here looking for him, so I suppose it would be all right,” she agreed gratefully.
“Hoss, ask Hop Sing to make some tea for Harriet, would you?”
Hoss went into the kitchen to find their Chinese cook, and then returned, to be followed minutes later by Hop Sing, carrying a tray. He had not needed telling what was required and had the tea all ready.
At about the same time as Harriet was arriving at the Ponderosa, high in the mountains Adam started to wake. He had stirred several times during the day, but had not spoken, only moaned as Jamie let the blood flow through his leg. Jamie was hungry because he didn’t know how to cook anything, but as soon as he saw Adam move he started to make some coffee, all the time carrying the watch and checking the time. He had seen Adam make coffee on a fire many times and thought that he could manage that. By the time Adam was fully awake Jamie had the coffee ready, and he poured a cup and brought it over to him where he lay on his bedroll, supported by Sport’s upturned saddle. Adam opened his eyes and saw Jamie next to him, cup in hand.
“What’s that?” Adam asked softly.
“Coffee.”
“Thanks, help me up.” Jamie put his hands under Adam’s shoulders and helped him to sit. Then he got Starlight’s saddle and added it to Sport’s, so that Adam could lay back and drink. Adam couldn’t believe the effort needed just to move, his leg was consumed by pain and he gritted his teeth, trying to hide it from Jamie.
“Well done.” Adam sipped the coffee. It wasn’t bad, and made him feel a little better. He pointed to his leg, “How long?” Jamie consulted the watch.
“Six minutes.”
“I want you to go to my saddle bags, you’ll find a small linen pouch, bring it here.”
Jamie was back a minute later, and handed the pouch to Adam who opened it and pulled out some jerky. Adam chose a small piece for himself, and some for Jamie. He didn’t really feel much like eating, but he wanted to show Jamie that it was all right. Jamie eyed it suspiciously, as Adam held it out to him.
“Go on try it.” Adam bit into the morsel in his hand.
“What is it?”
“Dried beef.”
“Wait, it’s fifteen minutes.” Jamie delayed trying the new food by loosening the tourniquet. Adam’s breath hissed between his teeth and he closed his eyes as the burning pain hit him, but again it passed as the binding was tightened. Jamie uncertainly bit off a piece of jerky and chewed, then smiled at Adam.
“That’s not bad,” he said, tasting the salty meat.
Adam spoke slowly, as his strength waned. “It’ll do for now. At least you won’t starve. Jamie, tomorrow we have to get out of here somehow.” Had Adam been thinking clearly, he might have realised that his family would come looking for them, but his only thought was to get Jamie back home. “At first light I want you to wake me.” Jamie nodded, he could do that. But then Adam said, “It may not be easy, I may not want to wake up. It would be so much easier just to stay here. Do you understand?”
“Yes, I think so, you’re saying that you might not want to move?”
Adam’s breathing was shallow and he was sweating. He knew he would be weaker in the morning, but there was no way Jamie could find his way in the dark.
“Right, but you must make me. Don’t take ‘no’ for an answer, got that? Just for once…make me do as you say.” Jamie nodded, he wasn’t sure how he could make Adam obey him, but he knew he wouldn’t let him die out here.
Adam shivered and Jamie went and got his own blanket to cover him.
“No, you’ll need that. Going to get cold,” Adam said slowly.
“Just keep it for a while.”
“OK.” Adam felt himself slipping away again. But he wasn’t ready to go just yet, he needed the comfort of having someone close to him.
“Jamie, talk to me.”
Jamie sat close beside Adam where he lay, also needing comfort.
Jamie looked into the man’s face. “Adam, I’m sorry for what I did, and after you warned me, but the stag looked so sad all alone. Can you forgive me?”
Adam met the piercing blue eyes. “That’s all right. Don’t worry about it. Course I forgive you,” he muttered, his senses fading.
“You saved my life, didn’t you? When you pushed me out of the way, you knew the stag would go for you.”
“Guess so.” Adam was too tired to be less than honest.
“That means you love me, doesn’t it.”
Adam’s fogged brain couldn’t follow the boy’s train of thought.
“That’s what you said, that if you love someone you would give your life for them”
“Not dead yet.” Adam wished he were as confident as he sounded.
“But you saved me.”
“Yes, I love you.” Adam closed his eyes and slept.
Jamie sat up all night, huddling close to Adam for warmth. Twice in the night he thought that Adam wasn’t breathing, and he put his hand on the man’s chest, and nearly cried as he felt the slight movement that said he was still alive. He tucked his blanket round both of them and lay close, feeling the shivers that went through Adam. Jamie held the watch so that he could see the hands by the light of the fire, and continued to loosen and tighten the tourniquet at the required intervals. Once, he knew that he had fallen asleep, but as he opened his eyes in panic he noticed that only ten minutes had passed, and let out a long sigh of relief.
As dawn came, Jaime tried to rouse Adam but, as predicted, he didn’t move. Jamie shook him and called his name, but got only grunts in reply. He was at a loss to know how to make Adam wake up, and then he had a thought. It made him pay attention when he was naughty, perhaps it would work on the sleeping man.
He held both of Adam’s earlobes between his fingers and thumbs and squeezed as hard as he could, driving his nails into the skin. Adam groaned and opened his eyes, to see Jamie smiling down at him.
“That hurt,” Adam complained, in a voice hardly above a whisper.
“Good. Now get up!” Jamie said in the most commanding voice he could muster.
“Saddles.”
“What? Oh yes.” Jamie eased the saddles from under Adam and soon had both horses tacked up, and had packed up the camp, putting Adam’s gun belt safely in Sport’s saddlebags.
“Now you’re gonna have to stand up,” Jamie told Adam.
“Can’t.” It was too much effort to talk, let alone move.
“Oh no you don’t, you’re coming with me,” Jamie instructed as Adam closed his eyes. He gripped Adam’s ear again, and heard a satisfying yelp as he squeezed. “Now get up.” Adam opened one eye to look at this diminutive tyrant and nodded.
With Jamie’s help, Adam made it to his feet at the third attempt, then took his hat from Jamie, and hopped painfully slowly to his horse. He looked up at his saddle, and suddenly appreciated just how tall was Sport, he was an unscaleable mountain, and for a moment Adam rested his head against the saddle, feeling helpless.
“Adam, you gotta get on your horse,” Jamie said desperately.
Adam nodded, and went round to the off side of the horse. He put his right foot in the stirrup, holding onto the saddle horn to support his weight. His arms shook as he levered himself up into the saddle and swung his left leg over. He had no control over the muscles in his leg, and as it hit the far side of the saddle he cried out, and a wave of dizziness overtook him and he fell, landing on the ground on the near side before Jamie could reach him. The breath was knocked out of him and he lost consciousness for a second. Jamie rushed round Sport and knelt beside him.
“I’m all right,” Adam said, uncertainly. “Help…help me up.”
Jamie again supported Adam as he got his good leg underneath him and pushed himself up. He stood, leaning on Jamie until the world stopped spinning.
“It’s OK, just the shock, I’ll take it slower this time.”
Adam hopped round the horse and put his foot in the stirrup again. He hauled himself up and very slowly swung his leg over, using his hand to control it, and lowered the limb until it touched the leather of the saddle. He eased his body to the left, until his leg was hanging almost straight down.
“Jamie, how long?” Jamie again consulted the watch, then looked up, frightened.
“Twenty minutes.” Jamie rushed over to Adam and loosened the cloth, counting as he waited for the minute to pass, then he tightened the stick again. Adam felt the rush of blood into his leg, and his vision narrowed
“Good boy.” Adam breathed, he was lying over the pommel of the saddle, not having the strength to sit up straight.
Adam pointed down the mountain. “We have to go east, that way. We’ll find the road.” Adam took a deep breath. “Let’s go.”
**********
Harriet waved a sketchy farewell, as the three men rode away from the house as soon as it was light. She turned and went back inside, looking round the empty room, and then she went to the sofa and sat down, and put her head in her hands and wept.
“Oh Adam, where are you? What have you done with Jamie? If you’ve let him get hurt I’ll never forgive you,” she whispered.
Joe, Hoss and Ben rode swiftly up into the mountains. Adam had told them where he was aiming to camp, but it was after midday before they found the remains of the campsite. They all dismounted and started to hunt around, looking for any sign that would tell them where the missing pair might be.
Suddenly Hoss knelt down, then called out. “Hey, c’m ‘ere.” Ben and Joe joined him at the edge of the camp, and looked down where he was pointing. They could see a dark stain on the leaves of the long grass. Hoss rubbed the blades between his fingers and showed the result, red. Blood! He looked back and forth, seeing the trail that led away from the camp, and the one that led into it.
After a short discussion, they decided to follow the one that led away, and with Hoss leading, they went slowly through the forest. Hoss was an expert tracker and his father and brother were content to let him lead the way.
Hoss went slowly, continually looking ahead, checking that he had not lost the trail. After a short distance, they emerged into a clearing. A third of the way across he stopped and faced his family, who came to stand beside him. Hoss pointed at the ground, and Ben’s face paled as he saw a large patch of discoloured grass. He knelt down and put his hand on it.
“Adam,” he said softly, blinking back tears that had started in his eyes.
“You don’t know that, Pa. It could be Jamie,” said Joe reasonably.
“No, it’s Adam.” He stood and faced his two younger sons. “If Jamie was hurt, and they could break camp, then Adam would have brought him home.” Ben shook his head. “No, it’s Adam who’s hurt.”
Hoss and Joe thought about this for a second, and then they all went back quickly to the camp site, where Ben and Joe waited for Hoss to try to find any sign that would tell them the direction the pair had taken. Hoss scouted around for a few minutes.
“C’m on, this way.” Hoss pointed east, down the mountain towards the track that would eventually lead back to town.
Jamie rode alongside Adam watching him closely, as they left the campsite. Adam was bent double in the saddle and his eyes were squeezed tight shut against the pain in his leg. Each step that Sport took sent shafts of agony through him.
Every fifteen minutes they stopped for Jamie to attend to the tourniquet and they continued on for two hours, then Adam called a halt. He had no idea where they were, but knew he couldn’t go on.
“Jamie, I have to stop. I can’t go any further.” Jamie leapt from his pony as he saw Adam slipping from the saddle, and helped him down as gently as he could. Adam just lay on the ground, breathing rapidly.
“Can you…can you make a fire?” Adam asked.
“Yes, you showed me how to do that,” Jamie nodded
Before he started, Jamie went behind Adam and put his hands under his shoulders and slowly, with a little help from Adam, dragged him to a nearby tree, and helped him to lean back against it.
“Thanks.”
“You’ll be more comfortable there,” Jamie explained as Adam nodded and closed his eyes.
Jamie set about laying and lighting a fire, and put some coffee on to heat. He got a blanket from Starlight and covered Adam, and then he dealt with the tourniquet, and went back to the fire. As soon as the coffee was ready, he brought some over and nudged Adam’s shoulder. Adam opened his eyes and saw what Jamie was holding.
“Thanks.”
“Fifteen minutes.” Jamie started to loosen the stick again, but Adam put his hand down to stop him.
“Just a minute, let’s have a proper look at this.” Adam pushed aside two of the strips of cloth that were bound round his leg.
“OK.”
Jamie loosened the tight binding and Adam saw that the flow of blood was less but had not stopped. He shook his head seeing the blood drip slowly onto the ground, knowing that he could not afford to lose much more. Jamie again tightened the tourniquet, and sat back.
“How is it?” he wanted to know.
“Not too bad,” Adam lied. Jamie looked up into the pale face of his friend.
“Adam, please, you’ve always told me the truth, even when you knew it might hurt, you’ve never lied to me have you?” Jamie looked intently at Adam.
“No.” Adam looked down guiltily.
“OK then, how is it?”
“Bad, should’a stopped by now.” Adam shook his head, knowing there was a possibility that he wouldn’t make it.
“Why don’t I go for help, you could stay here?” Jamie suggested.
Adam drew a deep breath, he had no idea where they were and didn’t know which way the boy should go, and he didn’t want to lose touch with Jamie in the mountains. He was feeling light headed and was having trouble concentrating. “You don’t know the way. We must go a bit further. I’ll be all right after a rest, then we’ll go on.”
Jamie let Adam sleep for a couple of hours, then shook him awake.
“If we’re going on we should go now.” It was after two o’clock and Jamie was concerned that they should find a safe campsite before it got too late.
Adam’s eyes took a moment to focus. “Help me up.” Adam put out his hands and Jamie reached down, and with his help, and that of the tree beside him, Adam got to his feet. Jamie told him to stand still, and went and fetched the horses. He brought Sport to where Adam was standing and helped him to mount.
Adam smiled down at Jamie to reassure him, but the boy saw the sheen of sweat that appeared on Adam’s grey face, and knew the truth. He mounted Starlight and they set off slowly.
Ben and Joe followed behind Hoss, who was going slowly and leaning down looking at the ground as he went. The trail of the horse and pony was not too difficult to follow, though it disappeared occasionally, only to reappear a few yards further on.
After an hour they came across signs of a fire. Hoss dismounted and went over to investigate the remains. He put his hand out towards it and then touched the ashes. He looked up at Ben.
“It’s still warm, they cain’t be far ahead.” Hoss remounted and, after picking up the trail again, led them away.
Adam and Jamie were riding slowly through the forest. There was no sign of the main track, just a vista of trees stretching into the distance. They were lost, and Adam had ceased to take any notice of where they were headed. He only knew they had to keep going if they were to have any hope of getting near home before dark, so he said nothing to Jamie as he gradually felt the world recede. He was riding in a dream, a nightmare, every movement sent shafts of pain through his leg, and they were spreading through him, until they took over his entire being, then gradually even the pain left him as he lost touch with reality. He felt Jamie deal with the tourniquet, but it was as though it was happening to someone else.
“Adam, I think we should stop.” Jamie got no response, so he drew closer and shook Adam’s arm. Jamie was exhausted, he had had no sleep the night before, and would like nothing better than to lie on the ground and close his eyes, but his concern for his friend gave him a strength he didn’t know he had. Adam looked round to see who had touched him, and noticed a boy beside him.
“Hello,” he said.
“Adam, we should stop.”
“Stop?”
“Yes now.” Jamie reached over and pulled on Sport’s reins, halting him. Adam didn’t move, couldn’t move. Jamie dismounted and went round to the near side of the horse and looked up.
“Adam if you just slip off, I’ll catch you.”
Adam laughed softly, this boy would catch him? He’d squash him like a fly.
“No, too big,” he said, laughing louder.
“Adam, you must get down,” Jamie begged. He didn’t know if he could make Adam dismount, but he had to get him off the horse. Jamie reached up, grabbed hold of Adam’s belt, and pulled. Adam was surprised by the move and overbalanced, falling to the ground on top of Jamie.
Adam rolled over onto his back, his laughter shaking his body, as he saw the boy stand and brush dirt off his pants.
“Told ya. Too big.” Adam passed out.
Jamie sat him up against a tree, then went back to Sport and got the canteen and after using some of it to wipe Adam’s face, tipped it against the dry lips. Adam turned his head away, his stomach refused to contemplate taking anything in.
“C’m on Adam, you must have a drink.”
“Not thirsty,” Adam mumbled crossly.
“I know, but it will do you good.”
“Go ‘way.” Adam pushed Jamie’s hand away. His eyes were closed and he couldn’t be bothered to do anything.
Jamie resorted to his old trick of gripping Adam’s ears, and again it had the desired result, Adam opened his eyes.
“Jamie,” he said on a sigh.
Jamie again offered him a drink, and he swallowed reluctantly.
“Thanks.” Adam shut his eyes.
Jamie still clutched the watch, and as he saw the hands move and reach their appointed place, he loosened the tourniquet. Adam opened his eyes as he felt Jamie’s hands on him, then he screamed as he felt the blood return to his starved arteries and veins.
Joe turned to his father.
“What was that?” he asked, frowning.
”Sounded like a scream.” Worry and apprehension clouded Ben’s face.
They rode towards the noise.
As Jamie tightened the binding and fastened the stick under it, he heard movement in the dark of the forest behind them. He put his hand on Adam’s shoulder and shook him, trying to bring him back to his senses.
“Adam, Adam,” he said desperately. Adam opened his eyes but said nothing. “I heard something, I think someone’s coming.”
The mounting panic in the boy’s voice broke through Adam’s stupor, and he tried to focus his eyes.
“Get…get my gun.” Jamie ran to Sport and hauled the gun from the saddlebags. He hurried back to Adam’s side and handed him the weapon. Adam held it, laying it on his lap, the gun feeling too heavy to hold. He put out his left arm and Jamie cuddled into the security of Adam’s embrace.
They could hear horses coming closer. Evening was approaching and deep shadows were filling the forest. Adam peered into the trees, and through half open, unfocused eyes, he thought that he saw something move. He raised the gun and fired. The recoil sent him tumbling sideways and he lay on his back, arms outstretched. Jamie leant over Adam, shaking him and calling his name to get some reaction.
Suddenly he was lifted off his feet, and he struggled to get free.
“Hold on there young’un,” said Hoss, setting Jamie back on his feet. Jamie immediately knelt down again at Adam’s side, scrabbling to retrieve the gun. He would not let these people hurt his friend.
Hoss, Joe and Ben surrounded the boy and he became aware of them standing there silently. He looked up into Ben’s ebony eyes, and when he realised who he was looking at, he got to his feet and threw his arms round the man’s waist and cried in relief. Ben put his arms round the boy’s shoulders and held him tightly.
“There, there, it’s all right now. We’re here.” He stroked the fair hair until Jamie calmed.
Meanwhile Hoss and Joe had knelt down at Adam’s side. Hoss saw the blood-soaked bandaging on his brother’s leg.
“Looks bad, Pa. We gotta get him home.”
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